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OK, this weekend was hillarious! I met a "friend" of one of my friends friends last Friday. I knew something was up when his dad says "Oh great, there's that import idiot"
Right then and there, I knew I was going to have some fun!
Ok, so I go out and see riceboy: There it is, a mid 90s Civic EX with the COMPLETE riceboy package! Unpainted body kit, tacky flat black spoiler, MONSTER tach and an exhaust that made my push lawnmower seem quiet! Ooops! I almost forgot the altezzas, chicken wire, green hood pins, fake hood scoop and the uniwiper system.
Add rims on the back with Z rated tires and stock steel wheels on the front with cheap wal mart tires and a lowering job that was obviosly done wrong! The camber was WAY off! Last but not least, two VTEC stickers!
Here's the dialogue:
Me: Hey, what's under the hood? (I know damn well what's there
)
Riceboy: Not much right now, let me show you.
Under the hood is a 1.6L SOHC 2V/cyl engine with NO VTEC, an intercooler but no turbo (says he has the turbo at home, whatever!), a "mad tyte cold air intake", puny strut tower bar, APC spark plug wires and some crappy wiring mess.
Then the real source of the noise becomes apparent, he has no exhaust pipe! Its coming out from the stock manifold! The catalyst and downstream O2 sensor were also missing in action. Needless to say, there was a check engine light!
My friend then says in a mocking way "hey I bet it gets good mileage"
Riceboy says not with open "headers"
I'm thinking to myself: "DUDE! It gets shitty mileage because it's running PIG RICH!"
As I look at this engine that would be perfectly at home in a small tractor, I see a problem or two with the "cold air intake". For starters, it's taking in air RIGHT BEHIND THE RADIATOR! Second, it wasn't properly clamped on to the throttle body so it was getting even hotter, unfiltered air because the tube had fallen off!
He aked me and my friend about our cars and we tell him what we have:
Me: 2002 Intrepid ES with a 3.5L 24V V6
Friend: 1997 Cougar XR7 with a 4.6L V8
He then has the nerve to say that we drive POS cars! Now I'm pissed and procede to point out EVERYTHING that is wrong with is car! My firend joins in as well.
He then says he is faster than us, we just laugh. Then I tell him about another friend of mine that owns a 1.8T Jetta. Here's his response to that: I'd like to meet him and race him on street night at the strip, I bet we'd be evenly matched!
I just can't help myself but to say: YEAH RIGHT! That Jetta rips ME an new one!
Riceboy chimes in: DUDE you don't know what the F*ck you're talking about; I do an 11.6 with open headers in the 1/8 mile!
Me thinking to myself: 11.6 eh, I could do that in my MINIVAN!
He then gets all pissed and says "I just got one thing to say: HONDA BITCHES!"
He then gets in his car and says:" I'll show you how fast I am, don't blink or you'll miss me.
He floors the POS, but he can't even squeal the tires. The whole street is filled with the smell of unburned fuel.
I want the car, I'll put a big ass blade on the back and enter it in the Lawnmower Dragraces! I'll probably lose though....
Right then and there, I knew I was going to have some fun!
Ok, so I go out and see riceboy: There it is, a mid 90s Civic EX with the COMPLETE riceboy package! Unpainted body kit, tacky flat black spoiler, MONSTER tach and an exhaust that made my push lawnmower seem quiet! Ooops! I almost forgot the altezzas, chicken wire, green hood pins, fake hood scoop and the uniwiper system.
Add rims on the back with Z rated tires and stock steel wheels on the front with cheap wal mart tires and a lowering job that was obviosly done wrong! The camber was WAY off! Last but not least, two VTEC stickers!
Here's the dialogue:
Me: Hey, what's under the hood? (I know damn well what's there
)Riceboy: Not much right now, let me show you.
Under the hood is a 1.6L SOHC 2V/cyl engine with NO VTEC, an intercooler but no turbo (says he has the turbo at home, whatever!), a "mad tyte cold air intake", puny strut tower bar, APC spark plug wires and some crappy wiring mess.
Then the real source of the noise becomes apparent, he has no exhaust pipe! Its coming out from the stock manifold! The catalyst and downstream O2 sensor were also missing in action. Needless to say, there was a check engine light!
My friend then says in a mocking way "hey I bet it gets good mileage"
Riceboy says not with open "headers"
I'm thinking to myself: "DUDE! It gets shitty mileage because it's running PIG RICH!"
As I look at this engine that would be perfectly at home in a small tractor, I see a problem or two with the "cold air intake". For starters, it's taking in air RIGHT BEHIND THE RADIATOR! Second, it wasn't properly clamped on to the throttle body so it was getting even hotter, unfiltered air because the tube had fallen off!
He aked me and my friend about our cars and we tell him what we have:
Me: 2002 Intrepid ES with a 3.5L 24V V6
Friend: 1997 Cougar XR7 with a 4.6L V8
He then has the nerve to say that we drive POS cars! Now I'm pissed and procede to point out EVERYTHING that is wrong with is car! My firend joins in as well.
He then says he is faster than us, we just laugh. Then I tell him about another friend of mine that owns a 1.8T Jetta. Here's his response to that: I'd like to meet him and race him on street night at the strip, I bet we'd be evenly matched!
I just can't help myself but to say: YEAH RIGHT! That Jetta rips ME an new one!
Riceboy chimes in: DUDE you don't know what the F*ck you're talking about; I do an 11.6 with open headers in the 1/8 mile!
Me thinking to myself: 11.6 eh, I could do that in my MINIVAN!
He then gets all pissed and says "I just got one thing to say: HONDA BITCHES!"
He then gets in his car and says:" I'll show you how fast I am, don't blink or you'll miss me.
He floors the POS, but he can't even squeal the tires. The whole street is filled with the smell of unburned fuel.
I want the car, I'll put a big ass blade on the back and enter it in the Lawnmower Dragraces! I'll probably lose though....
