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Discussion Starter #1
OK, this weekend was hillarious! I met a "friend" of one of my friends friends last Friday. I knew something was up when his dad says "Oh great, there's that import idiot"

Right then and there, I knew I was going to have some fun!

Ok, so I go out and see riceboy: There it is, a mid 90s Civic EX with the COMPLETE riceboy package! Unpainted body kit, tacky flat black spoiler, MONSTER tach and an exhaust that made my push lawnmower seem quiet! Ooops! I almost forgot the altezzas, chicken wire, green hood pins, fake hood scoop and the uniwiper system.

Add rims on the back with Z rated tires and stock steel wheels on the front with cheap wal mart tires and a lowering job that was obviosly done wrong! The camber was WAY off! Last but not least, two VTEC stickers!

Here's the dialogue:

Me: Hey, what's under the hood? (I know damn well what's there :D)
Riceboy: Not much right now, let me show you.

Under the hood is a 1.6L SOHC 2V/cyl engine with NO VTEC, an intercooler but no turbo (says he has the turbo at home, whatever!), a "mad tyte cold air intake", puny strut tower bar, APC spark plug wires and some crappy wiring mess.

Then the real source of the noise becomes apparent, he has no exhaust pipe! Its coming out from the stock manifold! The catalyst and downstream O2 sensor were also missing in action. Needless to say, there was a check engine light!

My friend then says in a mocking way "hey I bet it gets good mileage"
Riceboy says not with open "headers"

I'm thinking to myself: "DUDE! It gets shitty mileage because it's running PIG RICH!"

As I look at this engine that would be perfectly at home in a small tractor, I see a problem or two with the "cold air intake". For starters, it's taking in air RIGHT BEHIND THE RADIATOR! Second, it wasn't properly clamped on to the throttle body so it was getting even hotter, unfiltered air because the tube had fallen off!

He aked me and my friend about our cars and we tell him what we have:
Me: 2002 Intrepid ES with a 3.5L 24V V6
Friend: 1997 Cougar XR7 with a 4.6L V8

He then has the nerve to say that we drive POS cars! Now I'm pissed and procede to point out EVERYTHING that is wrong with is car! My firend joins in as well.

He then says he is faster than us, we just laugh. Then I tell him about another friend of mine that owns a 1.8T Jetta. Here's his response to that: I'd like to meet him and race him on street night at the strip, I bet we'd be evenly matched!

I just can't help myself but to say: YEAH RIGHT! That Jetta rips ME an new one!

Riceboy chimes in: DUDE you don't know what the F*ck you're talking about; I do an 11.6 with open headers in the 1/8 mile!

Me thinking to myself: 11.6 eh, I could do that in my MINIVAN!

He then gets all pissed and says "I just got one thing to say: HONDA BITCHES!"

He then gets in his car and says:" I'll show you how fast I am, don't blink or you'll miss me.

He floors the POS, but he can't even squeal the tires. The whole street is filled with the smell of unburned fuel.

I want the car, I'll put a big ass blade on the back and enter it in the Lawnmower Dragraces! I'll probably lose though.... :D
 

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Good read. What I don't understand though is why would you lower yourself and try to explain somebody like that how an engine bay is supposed to look and what can be called performance mods.....obviously in his tiny world he is the king racing babys with trikes.... :brutal_16
 

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Discussion Starter #3
TERMINATOR101CA said:
Good read. What I don't understand though is why would you lower yourself and try to explain somebody like that how an engine bay is supposed to look and what can be called performance mods.....obviously in his tiny world he is the king racing babys with trikes.... :brutal_16
Oh, we just were in the mood to be complete assholes. after all, ricers were not being good drivers in the rain that day, they like to play a game of "Dodge the Dodge" when it gets slick. I got cut off several times, 1 near sideswipe and 2 almost rearended me, so i was a bit mad at all the little punks.

Remind me to avoid the roads surrounding my old high school from the hours of 2:00-4:00 on rainy days.... they even try to race in school zones, it's absolute madness. It's been 2 years since I graduated and some remember me....

It's funny, I had an old Caravan, they couldn't beat it so now they think they can beat a 3.5 LH, go figure!

The little 10th grade punks that harrased me my senior year for having a van still remember my face two years later... and now that they have their senior prom dates, they have something to prove: just how stupid they really are!

I'm happy to report the rice is just as slow as it was 2 years ago. Now the "race" is so unfair, I don't even have to break the speed limit! 0-30 MPH and it's OVER! :devil:
 

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hardwareguy said:
It's funny, I had an old Caravan, they couldn't beat it so now they think they can beat a 3.5 LH, go figure!

Hell yeah go Caravans! i was driving a 94 Grand Caravan, with the 3.8lt!! In HS. yeah lets just say it was fun to **** with Ricers with that thing! they had no clue what was comming. and people made fun of me for driving a Mini-van. One day at lunch, i left a 25+ft blackie in the school parking, they never made fun of me again. Ok they still did, but none of them would acctually try and race me. (dont worry, i wasnt burning my parents good rubber up, i was changing the tires in Auto class)

and thinking about it, that was 4 plus years ago. Dam does time fly.
 

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that reminds me of when i went bowling a couple weeks ago...

my friend Buddy and in his moms Chrysler Town and Country vs a Honda Prelude... we ripped that mother ****er apart from the light with 5 people in the car lol. It was interesting
 

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lol.
 

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damn kids and their imagination..... wounder if that guy thought fast and the furious was a true story?
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Trytic said:
that reminds me of when i went bowling a couple weeks ago...

my friend Buddy and in his moms Chrysler Town and Country vs a Honda Prelude... we ripped that mother ****er apart from the light with 5 people in the car lol. It was interesting
Did that van happen to have the 3.8? The 3.8 surprises MANY kids from a light! :D
 

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The best way to shut up a rice-boy is to embarass him in front of his friends. Preferably a few girlfriends. Nothing shuts up smack-talking like a smack alongside the head on a track.
 

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[QUOTE='98-ESer]The best way to shut up a rice-boy is to embarass him in front of his friends. Preferably a few girlfriends. Nothing shuts up smack-talking like a smack alongside the head on a track.[/QUOTE]

agree but you will have some realy stubbern kids that will make any reason why he lost

so you always go for a rematch and notice he doesnt want to race again :) :bigparty:
 

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Discussion Starter #11
[QUOTE='98-ESer]The best way to shut up a rice-boy is to embarass him in front of his friends. Preferably a few girlfriends. Nothing shuts up smack-talking like a smack alongside the head on a track.[/QUOTE]

HELL YES!

Picture this, kid in a newish Civic with his girlfriend. You know the type, high school senior with his PROM DATE! About this time, I pull up in the Intrepid, he revs his motor.

I can't let him have this one! A pussy little Civic LX aint beating a 3.5 tonight!

Yall know what happened. Let's just say that his girl was laughing her ass off at him, and he tried to have another go at it at the next light! Wanna know what happened? SAME DAMN THING, complete OWNAGE!
 

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Mr.Dodge said:
damn kids and their imagination..... wounder if that guy thought fast and the furious was a true story?
So it's not true ??????? Dammit that was the only thing I believed in after I was told Santa wasn't going to bring me anything anymore bcs lost his sled in a race for Pinks with Vin Diesel..... :eek:
 

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Discussion Starter #13
TERMINATOR101CA said:
So it's not true ??????? Dammit that was the only thing I believed in after I was told Santa wasn't going to bring me anything anymore bcs lost his sled in a race for Pinks with Vin Diesel..... :eek:
ROTFLMAO!!!!! :bouncgrin
 

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omg! WHY DIDN'T YOU RACE THE MOTHERFUCKER?? **** tell him to put his money where his mouth is, and then profit off of the ****er!
 
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